i was sitting in a class today when i suddenly turned into a blubbering idiot.  a couple years ago, there was an incident in our small town with a shootout in a school board meeting.  i remember hearing about it.  it was a pretty big deal for this tiny area.  but i’m also not much for partaking of news –  i don’t need extra gloom and doom in my life – so i didn’t really follow the story much.  i never knew the details and i never knew that there was video of the whole affair.  well they showed that video in this class today.  and then the instructor spent a long time discussing how nobody can imagine what it’s like to be in such a dangerous situation and how it all happens so quickly and blah, blah blah… and the tears that i had been fighting during all of this started pouring. 

what. a. freaking. pansy. moron. 

i was there with a friend and some of her friends and heaven only knows what they, and the countless strangers, must have thought of me. 

it’s just that… it’s been years since i’ve thought about the robbery.  i mean, i’ve talked about it occurring… but i haven’t really gone back there in a very, very, very long time.  seeing this real life drama unfold and then hearing the guy go on and on about what it’s like… i was right back there with my face pushed into the nasty hotel lobby carpet and the gun repeatedly cracking me over the head.  i was choking on the pepper spray and feeling my eyes go up in flames from it.  i was cutting up my wrists trying to get the zip ties loose.  i was… helpless. 

it was a completely unexpected reaction to this class.  and it made me seriously question my motivations.  and it made me look like a complete lunatic to my friend.  i guess i’ll never be as over that moment of my life as i was.