apparently there’s some question now as to whether the existing heart condition is going to be a problem for undergoing the experimental treatment.  this makes me mighty sad.

This is my fertile week.  it’s pretty difficult to make a baby when your lady bits are burning and your kidney is throbbing and screaming in pain.  a whole wasted month…  it’s just enough to make me cry myself to sleep tonight.

UTIs suck.  it started friday night/saturday morning.  it made my life miserable saturday until we got home that night and i could take some azo.  other than some minor suckiness, the symptoms have been successfully masked whilst i’ve been chugging water and cranberry by the tub-fulls.  in the past, this has been a winning strategy.  apparently not this time.  this morning, somebody kicked me in the kidney with a steel-toe boot.  by noon, i couldn’t take a deep breath without my kidney feeling like it was going to explode.  i called and begged to be squeezed in at the dr office where they confirmed the kidney infection and gave me an antibiotic.  holy cats, the pain!  she said i should start to feel some relief by the morning.  i’m inclined to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, and not come out until it stops hurting.

on the bright side, i can definitely enjoy all of the libations new orleans has to offer.  i knew there was no chance but i guess it’s better to be certain.

when someone you love very much calls to tell you that the year of chemo didn’t work and they’ve been given two years.  the news is exactly what i expected, based on my own research online, but i had really hoped that maybe i had just misinterpreted the numbers… it’s not like i’m a doctor, after all.  there may be some other options – experimental treatment or bone marrow transplant – but there is no telling how much more time that might provide or what kind of side effects there may be.  i can’t stand the thought of losing him.  even more, i can’t stand the thought of him suffering.  i am praying with all my heart that however much time he has left is full of quality life.  in the meantime, i’m going to put more effort into banking new memories.

I’m sure it’s all psychosomatic but I’ve been imagining symptoms that I want to point to pregnancy despite evidence to the contrary.  TMI below the fold…

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