the turkey accidentally discovered his voice saturday when he was having some tummy issues and his normal grunts turned to squeals of pain. since then, he has thoroughly enjoyed playing with his voice, letting out all kinds of squeals and peals of glee. in fact, he has found so much pleasure in this new-found vocalization that he has decided his crib is now a playpen. instead of napping now, we often find him playing in bed, rolling around and making all kinds of sounds. i prefer to think that those are the times that grampie is in there playing with him. the downside is that he’s started reaching through the bars so we’ve had to take down the cute little banner my sissy made and start paying attention to what is within reach. this is his busted face as hubby walked in on him throwing a one-man party 🙂
This little boy is determined to worry me to death. The reflux seems to be getting better finally and the blood in the urine has gone away but the last last week and a half he has been on a hunger strike. he’s been super fussy about eating, almost to the point of refusing to eat. Feeding him has just become an all-out stressor for me. He screams and cries the whole time while I wrangle him and fight him to nurse. Today was his 4 month physical and shots. He did great but we did find that he has gone from being in the 50th percentile down to the 2 percentile. His official height is 24″ and weight is 12lbs 11oz. The PA suggested that we go ahead and start him on some solid foods and come back in two weeks to check on his weight.
26 Dec 2014
21 Dec 2014
after a bunch more dr appointments – everything from hearing to kidney ultrasounds – he seems to be doing some better. he’s still spitting up far more than i would like and he’s not gaining weight nearly fast enough for me but he IS gaining finally. he’s only had a couple more instances of blood (extremely trace amount) in his diaper and none of the tests have shown any problems. i’ve gone back to five feedings a day just to try to fatten him up some… i don’t know if that’s the right thing to do but i just feel like it’s what i should do.
my mother-in-law had a pretty massive stroke 3 years ago. she used to be an @$$-kicking person and now she’s very childlike and emotional. not only did the stroke diminish her physical abilities but it really changed the essence of who she is. lately her personality has changed even more. she’s not even the same person anymore. this is why I got so upset when I got the call that my dad had had a stroke… my experience with a stroke has been a tragic, long, drawn-out loss of oneself. it has been so sad seeing this personality change in my MIL over the last 3 years. this week, we are with my husband’s family for Christmas. I expected to be very sad being around my MIL after my father’s passing. I imagined it would just be too hard to see her playing with her grandson knowing that my dad never got that chance again. it has been hard but for a whole different reason. seeing how badly and how quickly my MIL has deteriorated in the last few months has truly made me thankful that daddy’s suffering was so brief. today is two months since the last time i spoke with him. not a day has gone by that i haven’t thought about him and wished i could talk with him. i miss him fiercely but i am finally at peace with it. my heart breaks for my husband having to see his mother like this. i cannot imagine seeing my dad in such deep suffering and being unable to do anything about it. i am praying for peace and comfort for my MIL.
14 Dec 2014
thanks to an unexpected business trip, we found ourselves right back in orlando again this past week. my sissy and bil both raved about how much growth they had seen in the turkey in just the week and a half since we last saw them. they said he is much more alert, much sturdier (neck and such), and more interactive. it’s nice to know that i’m not just imagining all of that. i took him up to the office to meet our bosses and coworkers and he was such a good boy. on the flip side, he was super fussy most of the week during the days. it was highly unlike him. he had a growth spurt the week before but he had gotten back to normal before we left town.
I’ve been missing my daddy with a throbbing, achy heartache in the last couple days again. He would have been so excited about the Turkey’s first Christmas. This morning, I figured out the one thing that’s really been bothering me… I wish I knew that he was at peace/content with his life. I know that he lived with regrets. I hope that he wasn’t carrying those regrets at the end. I hope that he felt like he had done all he could to make things right and that he was satisfied with his life. The problem is, I’ve been racking my brain and I can’t think of a time he ever said that his life was a good one and he was okay with things. I know he was angry and scared and not ready to go the week before he died. My sister said he was more peaceful later that week. When I last spoke to him, he was just happy to be up and moving around. At the hospital, he was agitated and wanted to go home. Back when our coworker died, almost nine years ago, I was able to give his wife the comfort of a conversation I had had with him just weeks before. Another coworker was very sick and was going through a double lung transplant and rb made a comment about what a good life he’d had and that if he died tomorrow, he had no regrets. I wish I could think of a time when my father might have said something like that. I pray that he felt that way.
Friends, if anything were to happen to me, I want you to know that I have loved my life. I have no real regrets. I have had more blessings and joy than any one person deserves. And I know that it all pales in comparison to what God has waiting for me in the life after. Would I be sad to leave my loved ones behind? To not see my beautiful son grow into an amazing man? Absolutely! But, truly, it is well with my soul.
5 Dec 2014
the turkey has really started interacting with his environment more this week. he’s reaching out and grabbing hold of more toys. he’s also exploring our faces with his hands (he particularly likes to shove his very slobbery hand in my mouth to share the flavor). and, my personal favorite, he’s giving kisses now. i’ll start kissing his face like i usually do and he’ll open his mouth wide and move back and forth until he plants one on me. even better, he gets super excited about it when he does land a good, sloppy kiss. it’s so sweet and just melts my heart.
Now that I’m a mother, I spend all day every day worrying and feeling inadequate. It’s exhausting but those little smiles and laughs make it all worthwhile. The turkey has given us plenty of concerns here lately. Read the rest of this entry »