Archive for December, 2017

2017
3
Dec
22:24

epic fail

   Posted by: arcanai    in heartache

i’m struggling.

hard.

i am going through a black season of motherhood and i feel like an epic failure every day. it seems that all i do is harp on the turkey, telling him don’t do this and don’t do that. and halfway through the day i’m just too exhausted to even care any more. i want to cry all the time. i try. i swear i do. i get up every morning with a prayer in my heart and a resolution to be more patient and understanding and positive. and then i find myself yelling and threatening and spanking.

i’m not the mom i wanted to be. i’m not the mom i thought i would be.

Lord, heavenly Father, please lead and guide me to be the mom that you intended me to be; the mom that these boys need me to be. soften my heart, Lord, and slow my frustration. in Jesus’ name, amen.

2017
3
Dec
22:09

flattery

   Posted by: arcanai    in the turkey

the turkey has taken to flattery as a means to trying to get out of trouble. when i’m upset with him, he puts on his sweetest smile and says things like “i like your hair” and  “you’re so beautiful”. i’m not too proud to admit that the first two or three times, i just reveled in the compliments and didn’t really notice the manipulation. if he had been more prudent in his usage, i may have stayed blissfully ignorant for quite some time. alas, a three year old doesn’t have the sense to look at the big picture and ration out his get-out-of-jail-free cards. i quickly became savvy to his charming wiles. but, oh, it was so nice to hear such lovely words!