I’ve struggled with the inner turmoil for years of what should I do and how I wish things were different.  The last couple years, becoming a follower of Jesus and a mother and losing my daddy, have made me fret over “the right thing” a lot more and renew my efforts at reconciliation.  I thought my first efforts were bearing fruit but Was proven wrong last Easter.  I have picked myself up and tried a couple more times since then.  I’m officially done.  I’m used to getting the pleasant looking greeting cards filled with nasty notes but she took it to a whole new level this time.  She somehow managed to take all of my heartfelt olive branches and twist and warp them into ugliness that I didn’t even think was possible.  I can’t fathom the sickness of mind that it takes to do that.  I used to lament our relationship and the loss of that special call every year on my birthday but now I just wish to never receive anything from her again.  I feel like I have done what I was called to do but now it’s time to let it all go and focus on the good things in my life.  I cannot continue to expose myself to that toxicity and I will not expose my child to it.  I pray that she finds help one day but I have finally come to realize that i can’t be that help. 

I have been much more at peace about my dad’s passing since Christmas at my mother-in-law’s. I’ve hardly even cried for him since then. Today, however, he has been heavy on my heart and I found myself tearing up several times. I just noticed the date and realized that it’s been 3 months since I spoke to my daddy. I love him and miss him like crazy.

The turkey has finally made it past the 13lb mark!  he was 13lb 2oz before eating this morning and 13lb 9oz at the Dr after breakfast. I guess going back to a 3.5 hour schedule, combined with growing out of the reflux and shoveling in the avocados, green beans, and eggs has been doing the trick. He’s supposed to double his birth weight by 5 months. I don’t see him gaining another 2.5lbs in the next nine days (which would probably be a very unhealthy jump anyhow) but that’s okay because at least he’s finally headed the right direction. After months of not gaining weight, I’m so happy to see some chunk on his bones again!

The turkey has lost all the hit on the side of his head.  I’ve been expecting him to thin out in the back and where he rubs his head around while laying down but this is all back behind the ear where he couldn’t possibly rub it off.  I guess it’s just a normal baby phase but he just looks silly with that patch of smooth skin all of a sudden.  I’ll be watching for regrowth and/or other bald spots.

one year ago today i peed on a stick and became the happiest person on earth.  who knew that such a mundane and unsanitary action could change your whole world?  the pregnancy was the most incredible journey.  the birth was the most amazing experience.  and it has just been a phenomenal adventure every day since then.   i am so ridiculously blessed to have this family… i have the best husband and he’s a terrific father to our little angel.  i don’t know how i could possibly deserve all this happiness.

9 Jan 2015

today’s new taste was egg yolk. good golly, what a mess! he had such a fun time rubbing them all over his face. he also figured out how to really play with his cars today. he’ll lean over themm and roll them side to side or push them out and pull them back. it’s so stinkin cute. of course, every time i broke out the camera he played possum.

eggs are fun to wear

We are the proud new owners of another condo which means we are officially in the vacation rental business.  Hang on tight, folks, it’s going to be a wild ride!

i finally got back into the gym today. i haven’t been since the day before the turkey decided to make his arrival… 19 weeks and 3 days. i did an hour on the elliptical and am already feeling it. funny how i was in much better shape when i was huge and pregnant. i’m not quite sure how to make time for it on a regular basis but i sure need to get a routine going again.

we ran out of zantac last saturday night and, with the holidays and all, weren’t able to get it renewed until this week. the boy, however, seems to be doing a much better job of keeping meals down the last few days so we’re going to hold off on it. i don’t know what might be making the difference other than maybe he just finally grew out of it. either way, i’m glad to see him retaining his meals. he also had his four month shots on monday. thankfully, it was a non-event this time. he took them like a champ and didn’t have any of the fever or vomiting that we ran into last time. no need for a family campout on the couch, thank God. he had a very short-lived fever of 100.5 the day after but it didn’t last more than an hour. i wish we had known last time to start the tylenol before the shots and keep it going every four hours no matter what. that really seemed to have done the trick. he did break out in a rash but the dr suggested aveeno lotion and that seems to be helping so far.