this is why i wish we had started working on a family a few years ago. back then, i wouldn’t have felt rushed and, instead of “trying”, we could have kept more of a let’s-see-what-happens attitude. now, i’m 32 years old and he’s 46 and i feel like we’re just running out of time for this to happen. not only biologically but also in terms of energy for child-rearing. my parents were almost 36 when they had me and i remember thinking they were so old growing up (which wasn’t helped by people always asking me why my grandparents were raising me). i don’t want my kid to be embarrassed by our age and i don’t want to be too worn out to play with them. i keep telling myself not to get my hopes up because i’m still dubious about the chances of me being able to conceive anyhow but it’s hard to keep hope away. i know there are people who keep trying for years… i find myself wondering if i have it in me to face crushing disappointment month after month, year after year. how many of these monthly devastations will i be able to bear?
So this is the month that we start “trying”. I wish I could say I know what that means but I don’t. Since I stopped taking the pill, my cycle had been staying on track until this last month, of course. It was six days late and only lasted a half day so I have no clue when to start tracking my “fertile” period. Originally, it should have been this Thursday but now I guess it’ll be early next week. I guess we’ll just have to “try” all we can over the next week. Unfortunately, hubby’s ironman training leaves very little time/energy for him to “try”. And I still can’t shake the feeling that this is not even possible for me. I hate to get my hopes up too much as we discuss my hypothetical pregnancy during various events over the remainder of this year. Praying for better than I deserve…
I didn’t make it very far with the whole “I’m gonna be a blogger again” thing, eh? really, there hasn’t been much of anything interesting going on around here. hubby has been training for his first IronMan and I’ve been the supportive wife I promised to be. I have gotten back into a bit of a workout routine. In that my buddy and I have been doing our aqua-jogging three times a week for over a month now and I’ve been dragging myself to the gym fairly regularly again. i’m trying to work up to three days a week of weights again but I have been less than successful at that. I have, however, been supplementing pool and weights with bike and treadmill at the gym also. I was very proud of myself Monday for dragging myself to the gym at lunch (the whole reason I haven’t been able to workup to 3x weights is because I’m too tired on MWF after waking up at 05:30 for the pool). Ten minutes into my workout, I was a moron and smashed my hand in some weights. I think that did it for me for the week. *sigh* Such is life. It could have been worse… nothing’s broken as it was, thankfully, my lowest weight machine. It sure does smart though.