Archive for April, 2013

2013
30
Apr
10:45

first disappointment

   Posted by: arcanai    in the turkey

this is why i wish we had started working on a family a few years ago.  back then, i wouldn’t have felt rushed and, instead of “trying”, we could have kept more of a let’s-see-what-happens attitude.  now, i’m 32 years old and he’s 46 and i feel like we’re just running out of time for this to happen.  not only biologically but also in terms of energy for child-rearing.  my parents were almost 36 when they had me and i remember thinking they were so old growing up (which wasn’t helped by people always asking me why my grandparents were raising me).  i don’t want my kid to be embarrassed by our age and i don’t want to be too worn out to play with them.  i keep telling myself not to get my hopes up because i’m still dubious about the chances of me being able to conceive anyhow but it’s hard to keep hope away.  i know there are people who keep trying for years… i find myself wondering if i have it in me to face crushing disappointment month after month, year after year.  how many of these monthly devastations will i be able to bear?

2013
10
Apr
20:04

april

   Posted by: arcanai    in the turkey

So this is the month that we start “trying”.  I wish I could say I know what that means but I don’t.  Since I stopped taking the pill, my cycle had been staying on track until this last month, of course.  It was six days late and only lasted a half day so I have no clue when to start tracking my “fertile” period.  Originally, it should have been this Thursday but now I guess it’ll be early next week.  I guess we’ll just have to “try” all we can over the next week.  Unfortunately, hubby’s ironman training leaves very little time/energy for him to “try”.  And I still can’t shake the feeling that this is not even possible for me.  I hate to get my hopes up too much as we discuss my hypothetical pregnancy during various events over the remainder of this year.  Praying for better than I deserve…

2013
10
Apr
19:56

well so much for keeping up with this thing

   Posted by: arcanai    in Nuthin' Special

I didn’t make it very far with the whole “I’m gonna be a blogger again” thing, eh?  really, there hasn’t been much of anything interesting going on around here.  hubby has been training for his first IronMan and I’ve been the supportive wife I promised to be.  I have gotten back into a bit of a workout routine.  In that my buddy and I have been doing our aqua-jogging three times a week for over a month now and I’ve been dragging myself to the gym fairly regularly again.  i’m trying to work up to three days a week of weights again but I have been less than successful at that.  I have, however, been supplementing pool and weights with bike and treadmill at the gym also.  I was very proud of myself Monday for dragging myself to the gym at lunch (the whole reason I haven’t been able to workup to 3x weights is because I’m too tired on MWF after waking up at 05:30 for the pool).  Ten minutes into my workout, I was a moron and smashed my hand in some weights.  I think that did it for me for the week.  *sigh* Such is life.  It could have been worse… nothing’s broken as it was, thankfully, my lowest weight machine.  It sure does smart though.