for all these years, i figured “the pill” was just messing up my hormones and i would be better off if i were au natural. apparently, not so. as soon as i stopped taking them, i started growing cysts on my ovaries. they say this is a perfectly normal and common thing… but it sucks. the remedy for ovarian cysts? going on the pill! yeh, seriously. so much for my body being better off without all the hormonal trickery. so the cyst that masqueraded as appendicitis finally ruptured and i’m assuming i’ve got one on the left side now. here’s hoping the whole getting pregnant thing works quickly when we start trying. apparently, i need to go back on the pill.
my first week of being off the pill has been awful. the hot flashes and night sweats have come back with a vengeance and make me worry again about my chances of conceiving. since may 2010, i have been on pills with high dose estrogen to try to stave off early menopause. thus, my very real concerns. i’m trying, however, not to dwell on such thoughts. i’m trying to concentrate on getting re-balanced and healthy and thinking happy thoughts for the future. in the meantime, these hotflashes may very well kill me. if they get any worse, i will be proof of spontaneous human combustion (poof! there goes another one!). i also seem to be emotionally unbalanced suddenly. i tear up at everything i see and hear. if this is just going off the pill, what the heck will the hormones of pregnancy do to me?
today is day one of being officially off the pill. twenty-four more days and i would have been literally taking them for half my life. the hubby and i have decided that it’s time to see whether or not we are meant to propagate. we are actually going to wait until april to start trying so that there’s no chance of pregnancy interfering with hubby’s ironman but i’m giving myself a few months to let my body regulate after nearly sixteen years of tricking my hormones. this is going to be a crazy ride. i am terrified and hopeful and trying not to get my hopes up too high.