so this week i decided to start retraining my body to wake up and move earlier in the morning.  i generally set my alarm for 06:37, snooze it until 06:55, drag myself out of bed, brush my teeth, and start the work day.  i am now setting the alarm for 06:00, getting up at… 06:00, getting fully brushed and dressed, and walking on the beach.  it’s nothing spectacular but it’s something.  and even though i’m just walking, i’m walking in sand which makes my legs feel like they’ve done something.  my plan is to try to make this the routine for another week or two before stepping it up.  eventually, i’d like to actually be jogging (probably on the street in shoes rather than barefoot on the beach) in the mornings but it is still amazingly hot at 06:00 in florida.  after a thirty or forty minute walk, i’m dripping sweat.  jogging may have to wait until it starts getting under 90° at that hour of the morning.  after a few weeks of getting my body used to waking and moving, i’d also like to throw some lunch-gymming back into the mix but i’m just too tired from getting up so early right now. anyhow, that’s the plan. here’s the execution, thus far:

after two weeks of not quite making it to the bridge, i finally got back on it last night.  i jogged slowly, very slowly, to the bridge, walked up it, jogged down it, turned around and walked back up, jogged back down, and walked back to the car.  so, i jogged about half of it.  and in this sweltering heat, that’s all i really care to do.  i was pleased with myself.

• how can it be bright and sunny and yet thundering and lightening like crazy?  not complaining, just curious about the science.  i love weather systems in my backyard!
• i hope the punk kid who i assume pulled a fire alarm in the building gets a butt-blistering.  thirteen straight minutes of blaring alarms coming from the four or five speakers in my home makes me want to bash my own head in with a door.  over and over and over at unreasonably high decibels for nearly a quarter of an hour:  “*siren**siren**siren*attention, attention.  an emergency has been reported in this building.  please cease operations and leave the building utilizing the nearest exit or emergency exit stairwell.  do not use elevators.  repeat, DO NOT use elevators.”  i think my head is going to asplode now.
• my body is rebelling against my efforts to train it to be active rediculously early in the morning.  it took several minutes and my hubby sitting on me to convince me to get out of bed this morning.  my eyes have been pure sandpaper ever since.
• i made spaghetti with chicken sauce last night instead of meat sauce.  it was actually quite good with the exception of being very watery for some reason.  perhaps because i put the chicken in the crockpot frozen?  next time i’ll try to take the time to thaw and drain the chicken before throwing it in the crockpot with the sauce.  i think hubby, the healthnut, appreciated the sauce with chicken much more than ground beef.  i aim to please.
• seriously, i cannot stress enough how much i am struggling with the awake today.

in all fairness, i’m sure a big part of my defeat today was due to my complete and total lack of sleep last night.  i blame the hubby.  we got home at a reasonable time last night.  i managed to be very productive before going to bed.  i laid down at a semi-decent time.  i relaxed and started to doze off… and then hubby started tossing and turning.  he rolled and twitched and jerked all over.  he even jumped and claimed a nightmare in which i was trying to kill him by… eating him alive.  after an hour, he fell asleep and proceeded to rest like a baby.  me?  i was awake.  very much awake.  and no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t get unwound again and i seethed.  ugh!  i slept… not at all.  when the alarm went off at 06:00, i snoozed it angrily and told hubby he sucked.  three minutes later, i grumpily stalked out of bed, through on some walking clothes, and dragged hubby for a walk on the beach.  we had time to get in a forty minute walk but had to turn around a little over twelve minutes into it because we walked straight into a storm.  we tried to beat the rain home but got soaked instead.  luckily, that wasn’t such a bad thing since it’s bloody frikkin hot in florida at 06:00.  so i got a 25-30 minute walk in.  better than nothing, right?  but then, after a quick shower, it started. 

it was immediate…  it was constant…  it was brutal…  it was…

monday

all. frikkin. day.

by 15:20, when i finally took two minutes to run out to the kitchen and grab a pack of poptarts for lunch, i was broken.  as i sat down and took a bite out of my cold poptart and heard the binging of my work instant messenger, i fought back tears.  not only did i not get my lunch hour… i couldn’t even have five minutes to eat a poptart!  absolutely ridiculous.

i shut down as soon after quitting time as i could and attempted a nap but failed miserably because my tummy was extremely upset (if i get another ulcer because of this daggum job… *shaking fist*).  and, since i didn’t get a chance to throw dinner in the crockpot until my 15:20 poptart run, there was no chance of it being done in time for dinner.  tomorrow’s dinner it is.  which means that i had to come up with plan b.  i enjoyed a glass of wine and started to feel like monday was nearing its end.  when it was time to get up and head to bed, i remembered that i needed to finish dealing with the contents of the crockpot and transfer them to a refrigerator bowl.  hubby headed on to bed.  i spent then next fifteen mintes pulling chicken to shreds and digging for a bowl.  which is when i knocked hubby’s full cup of watered-down cranberry juice over making a mess all over the kitchen.  i screamed at monday and proceeded to clean up the huge mess, expecting hubby to get out of bed to find out what was going on and maybe lend a hand.  not a peep.  once i had finally gotten the sticky mess cleaned up and tomorrow night’s dinner put up, i headed into the bedroom and found him sound asleep.  the man who had slept all night last night while i stayed fully awake because he woke me up at the start.  i’m not saying it was right, but i was pissed.  i slammed the door, slammed stuff around on my nightstand while taking my meds, huffed around while bathing all of the sticky juice off my legs and feet, and finally jumped into bed much later than i had wanted.  he slept through it all. 

stupid monday from h3ll!!!

we went to wedowee this weekend for FIL’s birthday and a family reunion.  it was a very nice weekend with the in-laws and everything seemed to be pretty good around there.

before we left yesterday afternoon, i happened to be in the house alone with MIL.  we had a very troubling conversation that left me worried and sad.  i listened to her and tried to offer my support but before long i was teary eyed telling her that she was the only mother that i have in my life at this time and that i love her very much. 

the conversation ended abruptly when the men-folk came back in and quickly changed to talk about “final arrangements” for both MIL and FIL, should anything happen (they’ve both had health problems lately so i guess it’s been on their minds).  we left soon after for the long drive home.

two and a half hours after we left, i got a call from my MIL.  she was crying and told me that she had been thinking about our conversation and that she felt that perhaps she needed to talk to someone.  i told her that i loved her, that i would pray for her, and that i would help any way i could, even if it was just listening. 

it felt relieved to know that i might have reached her and helped her some.  i hope and pray that she finds her way to a better place.