i guess i learned that lesson and so i’ve been silent.  well, that’s not entirely accurate.  thanks to fabulous friends, there is always some fun lurking around the corner so i should have nice things to rant but, at the end of the day, i always end up back in my head and i just can’t rant from there.  i’ve been living in a dark place for close to a year now.  i pray daily but can’t seem to find the right steps out.  i feel despondent… and occasionally apathetic, which is really frightening.  mostly, i feel angry with myself because i truly thought that i had it all figured out and was prepared.  i feel like a fool.  like a failure.  i pray for the strength to keep hope alive.