my name is arcanai and i am an addict

   Posted by: arcanai   in Nuthin' Special

it’s been twenty-seven days since my last chapstick application.  it all started when I was a kid and my mom would slather the waxy, cherry-flavored goodness all over me every time I was within her reach.  she then started buying me my own tubes to carry with me.  before I was out of elementary school, I found myself unable to go anywhere without chapstick in my pocket.  it wasn’t until high school that I really started experimenting, leaving the childish chapstick behind and using various types of soft lips and blistex instead.  when I started college, I was introduced to the hard stuff.  that’s right… carmex!  after I discovered that mentholated tube of lip-crack, there was no going back.  nothing else could compare.

in adulthood, I have often been teased and ridiculed for my addiction.  I ran out once while traveling a few years ago and my husband challenged me to take the opportunity to quit.  I went twenty-seven grueling hours without carmex before hubby made the mistake of searching for chapstick addiction on the interwebs and reading me the horror stories of withdrawal.  I immediately decided that my habit wasn’t hurting anyone and giving it up was NOT worthwhile.  I didn’t want to go through the pain and humiliation of having my lips fall off.

so… nearly four weeks ago, I found myself in that same predicament of running out while traveling.  I went to the store and bought a three-pack of carmex… and never opened the package.  I don’t know why.  there was no real thought process or reasoning behind it… I just decided to quit.  it didn’t even seem that big a deal.  the first week was practically a non-event; I just didn’t think about my lips.  the second week, I had a small split in my lower lip that bugged me for a couple days and made me more aware of my lips but I never felt the need to bust out the carmex.  the third week has been… hell.  my lips are suddenly so dry that they are all I can think about.  I can’t smile without licking my lips first because they are so dry and tight.  I have had countless occasions this week where I have nearly fallen off the wagon.  I want carmex. I NEED carmex.   my lips hurt;  they are making me extremely self-conscious.  today, they are cracking and peeling and I am back to feeling that this is not a worthwhile endeavor.  but… I will stick with it because I am no quitter and I have already sacrificed nearly four weeks.  here’s hoping that week four is the light at the end of this tunnel.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 26th, 2013 at 13:38 and is filed under Nuthin' Special. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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