It amazes me how much it still hurts.  I just keep waiting for it to get easier.  For him to not be constantly in my thoughts.  For me to stop expecting him to call.  For the fiery pain of missing him to subside.  Surely, that day is coming.  I spent a day last week watching the few little video clips I have of him.  Strange that if I hadn’t had a kid, I wouldn’t have his voice at all anymore.  I went running in the woods a few days ago and kept waiting for my phone to ring because he always seemed to call when I was walking back there during the pregnancy.  Now he’s completely gone from my phone history and I’ll never see a call from him again.  There are days that I just feel like a zombie wallowing around in melancholy, brightening up briefly while the turkey is awake. It seems like the peace that I felt about his death when my mil was doing so poorly has loosened now that she’s recovering.  That’s really crappy of me… It’s not like I’m not ecstatic that she’s doing so much better… I just wish so hard…