I’m in a funk.  it’s like I’m experiencing postpartum depression a year+ late.  this whole weaning thing and walking on his own and just generally not needing me anymore… it hurts my heart so much.  for twenty-one months, my body protected and nourished him and now he’s just done with it.  I haven’t been sleeping much in this melancholy miasma.  I know that this will pass and there are so many more joys ahead for us but I’m grieving all the same.

it doesn’t help that this weaning thing has been much more painful than expected.  even though I did a slow wean – dropping a feeding every four days – my body is still having trouble adjusting to the cessation of nursing.  I’ve gone through two engorgements and three plugged ducts.  the pain has gotten bad enough to make me resort to wearing cabbage leaves and ice packs in my bra today.  so if I wasn’t already feeling lousy enough about myself, now I feel ridiculous and will probably smell like cole slaw.