23 May 2014

I’ve been feeling all kinds of great about this pregnancy until I got a phone call yesterday from the dr office saying that I failed the glucose screening and have to go back for the 3 hour test.  anything over 126 requires advanced testing; mine was 148.  looking back over labs from the last few years, it looks like my pre-pregnancy glucose level stays right around 90.  insert major funk of depression here.  I know that this doesn’t necessarily mean that I have gestational diabetes and I know that, even if I do, it’s fairly common and easy to control and blah blah blah… but I just can’t shake this disappointment and melancholy.  I’ve been trying so hard to keep us healthy – I’ve been eating nutritionally, I’ve largely avoided junk food and fried food, I’ve been exercising – and all for what?  just a big smack-in-the-head reminder of how much my body hates me.  just like when I lost forty pounds and my cholesterol shot up instead of getting better.  it feels like I’m already failing my kid as a mother and that’s a lousy feeling.  so it’s going to be 2.5 weeks before I can get in to do the long glucose test.  here’s hoping that I can pull myself out of this funk and learn to deal with whatever comes because there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it.