UTIs suck.  it started friday night/saturday morning.  it made my life miserable saturday until we got home that night and i could take some azo.  other than some minor suckiness, the symptoms have been successfully masked whilst i’ve been chugging water and cranberry by the tub-fulls.  in the past, this has been a winning strategy.  apparently not this time.  this morning, somebody kicked me in the kidney with a steel-toe boot.  by noon, i couldn’t take a deep breath without my kidney feeling like it was going to explode.  i called and begged to be squeezed in at the dr office where they confirmed the kidney infection and gave me an antibiotic.  holy cats, the pain!  she said i should start to feel some relief by the morning.  i’m inclined to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, and not come out until it stops hurting.

on the bright side, i can definitely enjoy all of the libations new orleans has to offer.  i knew there was no chance but i guess it’s better to be certain.

when someone you love very much calls to tell you that the year of chemo didn’t work and they’ve been given two years.  the news is exactly what i expected, based on my own research online, but i had really hoped that maybe i had just misinterpreted the numbers… it’s not like i’m a doctor, after all.  there may be some other options – experimental treatment or bone marrow transplant – but there is no telling how much more time that might provide or what kind of side effects there may be.  i can’t stand the thought of losing him.  even more, i can’t stand the thought of him suffering.  i am praying with all my heart that however much time he has left is full of quality life.  in the meantime, i’m going to put more effort into banking new memories.

I’m sure it’s all psychosomatic but I’ve been imagining symptoms that I want to point to pregnancy despite evidence to the contrary.  TMI below the fold…

the rest of the rant… »

Sunday, I publically declared my acceptance of Jesus Christ as my savior and redeemer by being baptized.  It was an incredible site… a huge crowd of people gathered at the beach to show their love for God and each other.  I was one of 137 who were plunged into the gulf to be brought back up cleansed of our sins.  I was blessed to have all of our local friends there to share the day with me and one of them was even part of my baptism team! I came up from the water completely overwhelmed with emotion and all I wanted was to wrap my arms around my husband and share the love I felt. 

“this is amazing grace! this is unfailing love! that you would take my place, that you would bear my cross. you would lay down your life, that I would be set free… Jesus, I sing for all that you’ve done for me!
– bethel live”

From #forgiven #saved, posted by J’Lynn Holloway on 7/29/2013 (33 items)

Generated by Facebook Photo Fetcher 2

Recipes stolen from Jessica.

Peanut Butter Cupcakes

• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 whole eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/3 cup milk
• 3/4 cup peanut butter chips/morsels

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Cream butter and peanut butter together in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Add sugar and eggs and beat together until fluffy. Add vanilla and mix for another minute or so.

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl. Add half of the dry ingredients, mixing until just combined. Add the milk. Once mixed, add remaining dry ingredients. Fold in peanut butter morsels.

Pour into cupcake tins and fill 2/3 of the way full. Bake for 15-20 minutes at 350. Let cool, then frost.

Chocolate Cheesecake Frosting

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1 block cream cheese (8 ounces), softened
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 4 cups powdered sugar
• 1/3 cup dark cocoa powder
• 1-2 tablespoons milk, if needed

In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat butter and cream cheese together until smooth. Add in vanilla. With the mixer on low speed, slowly add powdered sugar 1/2 cup at a time and add cocoa powder, increasing the speed to mix. If the frosting it a bit too thick, add milk 1 teaspoon at a time, until desired consistency is reached.  If it is too thin, add additional sugar gradually. Frost cupcakes once cooled. Top with chocolate sprinkles.

Stolen from Richmond…

Hot Artichoke Dip

• 1 ½ C. Hellmans Mayo
• 1 ½ C. Shredded Parmesan
• 2-3 cloves chopped garlic
• 14 oz Artichoke hearts
• 10 oz Frozen chopped spinach
• ½ lemon squeezed for juice
• ½ tsp. Tobasco + ???

Thaw and squeeze spinach dry. Drain and coarsely chop artichoke hearts. Mix all ingredients. (The ??? amount of tobasco is about 3-6 extra drops).

Bake 1 hour @ 350 — use a Pyrex pie plate if you like lots of crispy browned top — for more cheesy gooeyness a small casserole dish works well.

Serve with crackers or bagel chips.  It’s also great on chicken!

Crockpot Blackberry Cobbler (double for 6qt crockpot)

• 1 C. sugar
• 3/4 C. biscuit mix
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 5 oz evaporated milk
• 2 tbsp. butter, melted
• 3 C. blackberries

Combine sugar and biscuit mix in large bowl. Stir in eggs, vanilla, evaporated milk, and butter. Mix well. Fold in blackberries and pour into sprayed crockpot. Cover and cook on low for 5 hours. Serve warm with ice cream.

Chicken Casserole

• 8 oz. egg noodles, cooked al dente
• 1 can cream of something soup
• 1/2 can water
• 10 oz. shredded cheese in and on top
• 2 chicken breasts, cooked and diced

Mix all ingredients, top with cheese. Bake in 9×13 pan @350 until cheese bubbles.

Creamy Chicken Enchiladas

• 10 small soft flour tortillas
• 3 tbsp. flour
• 2 C. chicken broth
• 1 C. sour cream/plain greek yogurt
• 2 1/2 C. shredded chicken
• 3 C. shredded monterey jack cheese
• 3 tbsp. butter
• 4 oz can diced green chilles

Preheat oven to 350. Combine shredded chicken and 1 C. of cheese. Fill tortillas with above mixture and roll each one, then place in greased 9×13 pan. Melt butter over medium heat and stir in flour. Whisk together 1 minute over heat. Add broth and whisk together. Cook over heat until thick and bubbly. Take off heat and add in sour cream and chilles (not too hot). Pour mixture over enchiladas and add remaining cheese to top. Back 20-23 minutes, then broil 3 minutes to bubble cheese.

Crockpot Potato Soup

• 30 oz bag frozen diced hash browns
• 32 oz box chicken broth
• 10 oz. can cream of chicken soup
• 8 oz. package cream cheese
• Bacon bits
• Shredded cheddar cheese
• Salt and pepper

Put potatoes in crockpot and add broth, cream of chicken, and some bacon bits to top. Season with a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir. Cook on low 7-8 hours or until potatoes are tender. An hour before serving, cut cream cheese into cubes and add to crockpot. Stir occasionally until all melted. Add cheddar and stir until melted.

Crockpot Honey Pork Roast

• 3-4 lb. pork loin
• 2 tbsp. dried oregano
• 2 tbsp. dried basil
• 1/2 tsp. black pepper
• 3/4 tsp. salt
• 2 tbsp. minced garlic
• 1/2 C. honey
• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• 1/4 C. soy sauce
• 2/3 C. grated parmesan cheese

Mix up marinade. Pour over pork in crockpot or freezer bag (if freezing, thaw overnight before cooking). 6-8 hours on low. Shred the pork; reserve liquid and add to sauce pan to brink to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until reduced and thickened. Pour sauce over shredded meat to serve.

Crockpot Honey Garlic Chicken

• 1 1/2 lbs. chicken thighs (appx 6-8)
• 1 lb. baby red potatoes, halved
• 1 lb. baby carrots
• 1 lb. green beans
• 1/2 C. soy sauce
• 1/2 C. honey
• 1 1/2 tsp. dried basil
• 1/2 tsp. chili flakes
• 1/2 tsp. black pepper
• 8 cloves minced garlic (2 small tbsp.)

Mix up marinade. Put potatoes, carrots, and half the thighs in 6qt crock. Season with pepper and pour half the marinade. Add remaining thighs and pour remaining marinade evenly over everything. Season again with black pepper. Cook on high 304 hours or low 7-8 hours, basting occasionally. Add green beans during the last 30 minutes. Broil thighs for crispy skin.

Chicken Pot Pie

• 2 tbsp. butter
• 6 tbsp. AP flour
• 1 1/2 C. chicken broth
• 1 1/2 C. whole milk
• 4 C. cooked chicken, diced
• 10 oz. mixed veg
• 1/2 tbsp dried parsley
• 1/4 tsp. dried thyme
• 1/8 tsp. ground cayenne
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. black pepper
• 2 prepared pie doughs/crusts

Heat oven to 375. Mix butter and flour in large pot over med-high heat. Whisk in broth and milk. Bring to boil, whisking constantly. Reduce heat to low and simmer 5 minutes. Stir in chicken, veg, and seasonings. Pour into prepared pie crusts. Bake 30 minutes, remove and cover with foil for another 15 minutes. Cool before serving.

Crockpot Beef and Broccoli

• 1 C. beef broth
• 2/3 C. soy sauce
• 1/3 C. brown sugar
• 1 tbsp. sesame oil
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp. sriracha
• 2 lbs. flank steak or stew meat
• 4 C. broccoli florets, cut bite-size
• Slurry – 2 tbsp. corn starch & 1/4 C cold water
• 3 C. rice, cooked

Mix broth, soy sauce, brown sugar, oil, garlic, and sriracha in bowl until smooth. Place meat in crock and pour sauce over. Cook on high 3 hours. 30 minutes before serving, mix in slurry and add to crock to thicken. 20 minutes before serving, add broccoli and stir. Serve over rice.

Crockpot Italian Chicken

• 2-3 chicken breasts
• 1 packet italian dressing
• 2 cans cream of chicken soup
• 8 oz block cream cheese
• 1 tbsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. cayenne
• salt and pepper to taste
• parsley and parmesan for garnish

Place chicken in crock, sprinkle italian dressing mix over it along with garlic powder. Pour cream of chicken soup over. Add cubed cream cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Cook on high 4 hours or on low 8 hours. Cut or shred after cooking and mix into sauce. Server over pasta.

Crockpot Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole

• 1 can cream of chicken soup
• 1/4 C milk
• 1/2 tsp. oregano
• 1/4 tsp. black pepper
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 2 lbs. chicken breasts
• 1/2 lb. ham slices
• 1/2 lb. cheese slices
• 6 oz. cornbread stove top stuffing
• 1/3 C. melted butter

In a small bowl, whisk together the soup, milk, oregano, pepper, and garlic powder until smooth. Lay chicken beasts in an even layer on bottom of crock. Add layer of ham and then cheese. Pour soup mixture on top and spread evenly. Sprinkle stuffing mix and pour butter evenly over it. Cover and cook on low for 5 hours.

The other day, my sister shared a kitchen tip with me that has revolutionized my world!  I was complaining about the time and effort that goes into shredding meats… I do a lot of chicken dishes where I cook the chicken and then use a couple forks to shred it up and it’s an odious task.  So anyhow, my sissy mentioned that my kitchenaid’s dough hook would perform that job for me.  The heck you say!  Well last night I put it to the test.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Pure flippin’ genius!!!  What would normally take me 15 minutes was done in a whopping 90 seconds with no effort, no hassle, and no mess.  I never would have even thought of using my kitchenaid this way.  Bring on the BBQ pulled pork… I could shred up that piggy in no time flat!  Brilliant!!!

just after my last post – riddled with impatience and self-pity – we had a visit from some good friends who made me feel a little sheepish.  they went through three years of fertility treatments and shots before getting pregnant.  I don’t know how long they tried before seeking help so I would guess they put at least four years into “trying”.  I can’t fathom it.  they finally had their little miracle baby a little over two years ago.  we went to visit them back in the fall and panda said that they had been trying again.  last week, they announced that they were finally expecting their second… after another year, give or take, of trying.  God bless them.  I was so excited for her and it made me feel bad for giving up hope after three months.  I think i’m just going to go back to living my life as normally as possible, see what happens, and try not to focus on “trying”.  of course, then i have another friend who asked me this weekend if we were ever going to have a baby and I told her it wasn’t off the table.  she asked how old I was and proceeded to inform me that “high risk” has been changed from 40 to 36 so I’d better get a move on.  *sigh*  I still have not heard back from that dr that I contacted last week so I might still follow up with them just to find out about my broken thermostat.

I know, I know… it’s only been three months.  I said to begin with that it wasn’t going to be quick and easy.  Sadly, I still can’t help myself from feeling the crushing disappointment.  Even worse, I feel like I’m already starting to give up.  How do people do this for years???  I did everything I was supposed to last month – I kept myself completely unstressed, I ate all of the recommended things, took my exercise down to a more moderate level.  This week, I’ve taken up wine again… after three months without.  I don’t want to give up but I’m afraid to hope any more.  I went ahead and contacted a dr who is supposed to specialize in not only ob/gyn but also endocrinology.  I know it’s too early for me to really be seeking fertility help but the hot flashes and night sweats just keep getting worse and, if that’s a sign that it’s not going to happen, I’d really just rather know now.  And if I’m just being crazy over nothing and he can find the cause of the cursed broken thermostat and fix it… well I would just cry in gratitude.

I signed up today to get baptized and I’m super excited.  I grew up in the church but I never saw it lived at home so I rejected organized religion and rebelled against faith in general.  It took me 32 years but I finally understand what it is to believe in something and have it change you.  God has been working His changes in me slowly for the last few years through my oldest nephew.  I don’t even think that I realized it was happening until our trip to Israel.  It was a huge surprise to me.  I only really wanted to go because it was so important to hubby (and because I’m all about seeing new places).  I figured it would be a neat place with pretty churches and lots of history.  It was all of that but what I didn’t expect was to leave there with a yearning in my heart for God and His Son, Jesus Christ, and a desire to learn how to build a personal relationship with Him.  Next month, my sins will be washed away and I’ll be a new me!

We got to Orlando only to discover that this is the week the kids go to Student Life camp so we wouldn’t be seeing much of them.  This is the first year that all three have gone since it’s middle/high schoolers only.  They spend the week in the dorms at Stetson and have bible studies and prayer groups and play games and all that jazz.  The parents are allowed to join for the nightly big worship event so, last night, we piled in the van with my sissy, bro-n-law, and a couple of their friends and we headed to Deland to see the kiddos and check out the night of worship.

What an awesome sight it was!  The auditorium was packed with kids from different churches all over the state who all burned with passion for their faith.  The worship band Bellarive is there with them for the week, playing for all of the big group events.  My kids are in love with this band, partly because they’re great (I agree), but also because they’re from Orlando and actually started out at their former church.  For every song they played, hundreds of kids sang along with arms up high and pure joy in their faces.  It was incredible.  All I could do was marvel at it since it was so far from where I was at their ages.  I thoroughly enjoyed the whole evening and it gave me great hope for the future.

I surprised my daddy by showing up on his doorstep for father’s day when he thought I was far away at home.  It’s important to embrace the time we have together while it lasts.  We never know when it’ll be too late to show someone how much we love them.

I finally broke down and confided in a friend about trying to get pregnant.  I mostly did it because we spend a lot of time with them and she had started to notice that I was acting differently but also because I know that she went through two years of trying, unsuccessfully, and I know she will be a source of support without judgment.  her and her husband went through two years of fertility treatments before deciding that they were done.  hubby and I had decided that we were going to try for six months before resorting to a fertility dr.  this is our third month and I think I might be ready to talk to someone.  the dr that my friend says is the best in fl is listed as an ob/gyn and endocrinologist.  i’m not really worried about fertility right now but I really think I need an endo and it just makes sense to see someone who is “fluent in both languages”.  these hot flashes are just killing me and it can’t be helping things any.  I started trying to track my basal temperature but even that is hard to do since you’re supposed to take your temperature at the same time every day and it’s supposed to be straight out of a three hour sleep.  my insomnia doesn’t allow for three hours of sleep these days so I’ve just been sticking to the same time.  I’ve been asleep at that time once.  so, this month I’ve been making a conscientious effort to keep stress-free, keep my exercise level moderate, and eat and drink the things that I should.  if i’m not knocked up at the end of the month, I think i’m going to make an appointment to see this guy and see if he can tell what’s going on with my hormones.  heck, for all I know, whatever is causing these hot flashes could be preventing me from being fertile.